Finding Kate AU
by Aphina
Summary: What if she hadn't died? Speed/OC an alternative story to the orginal.
1. Chapter 1: Back Again

Chapter One: Back Again

**_This is set after Lost Son, possibley a year. Tim had 'died'. The reference Kate makes to the beach is when Kate was not coping well with his death. She go drunk and when to the beach with her gun. Thankfully Delko found her, Kate had passed out from the booze gun in hand._**

**_Kate's also infurated because she suddenly realizes what has happened. Tim had betrayed her in the same way she betrayed him in the beginning. This storyline had far to go. It was going to be about Tim wooing Kate and her tryin to fight off her feelings and in the end realizng it didn't matter what he'd done. _**

**_I know reposting this is a bit of a cheat, but i sets the scene for the next chapter!_**

The sun was shining down on us, its warming touch bathing my skin as I stared straight ahead unable to think, feel or even speak. I was dreaming, I had to be. My mind was playing cruel tricks on me.

He was standing there, one hand in his jeans pocket. The sun highlighting the lighter browns in his ebony hair and casting his five o'clock shadow just right. He was broader now, more muscular. The black and white striped shirt clung to his firm muscle tone reminding me of everything I'd been missing over the past three years and more. His chocolate coloured eyes were studying me profusely, with a longing I hadn't seen in a long time.

I had gone insane. I was seeing the impossible.

All those extra hours I'd been doing, taking care of Daniel and then the UC on the side had broken my mind, because I was seeing the dead and this could not be real.

My hand was clasped to my mouth and there was lump in my throat at the emotions aching in my chest.

I'd watched his casket lowered into the ground. His degrading body was six feet under and had been for over two years now.

"Is this a dream?" the words slipped from my lips, I hadn't even thought them, they had simply appeared.

I'd had this dream before under so many different situations and settings, and I always woke up alone in bed, my hand straying to his pillow, always surprised to find it cold and the bed empty.

"This isn't a dream Kate." His voice still sounded the same, deep and rich.

This had to be a dream but my mind had started working again, it was rationalising and putting the pieces together like a jigsaw and the picture that appeared wasn't pretty. I could taste the bitterness in the back of my throat.

What he'd done to me, what he'd done to his own son.

I could see it all now, from the closed casket to Daniel's pleas that he could still see his father sometimes in the night.

Tim was stepping towards me, his hand out imploring.

I had played this moment over and over in my head, and it always ended the same. I ran into his arms and held onto him for dear life. We'd kiss and make up, and I wouldn't care where he'd been or what he'd done, just that he was alive and that was all that mattered.

Immense rage was running through my body and I couldn't control it, because my grief was still raw. That night on the beach was still in my mind and I hated him for driving me to it.

He'd almost left his child an orphan that night and he didn't even know it.

My jaw was tightening and I could feel the fury that was running through my veins taking over. We needed to talk and there were so many things to say but I couldn't not right now, because I was scared if I took that step towards him right now, I might actually murder him myself.

So instead I did the one thing I'd never dreamed of doing. I turned my back on him and I walked away.


	2. Chapter 2: The Trouble With Brothers

Chapter Two

The lab was quiet, quieter than Speed ever remembered it being. His memories and feeling about this place were mixed at best. There had been so many good moments and bad times here. At the end of the day this was his home, no matter where he'd been this would always be.

It was too late to wish he had never left Miami, to wish that he had never taken it upon himself to testify against the Russian mafia. It was his duty as a cop to do the right thing, and that strong sense of honor was embedded into him. He thought at the very least Kate would understand, he'd been in Witness Protection not running around trying to get himself killed undercover.

Yet he understood her reluctance to do so. He'd left her when he promised he wouldn't. She'd had to live through things he couldn't help but think he could have prevented. She'd cared for his son as if he were her own. She'd been forced to make a life without him and she had worked at it. He saw that in her life, or what glimpses he caught of her life.

Kate was not in a forgiving mood. She'd literally sprinted away from him at the beach, and every single time he tried to explain she blocked him out. She wouldn't answer his calls, when he showed up at the house to pick Daniel up Kate basically handed him over without so much as two words.

The atmosphere between them was tense to say the least.

They worked separate shifts in the lab, Kate staying as far away as possible from Speed as she could. Although she wasn't in the labs as much as she used to be. Delko had mentioned something about another job, Tim wasn't sure what. He didn't blame her for her distance, he only wished that she could understand his actions.

"Kate still not talking to you?" Delko queried from besides Speed.

The two of them had been working on a case trying to figure out whether a woman had been pushed in front of a bus or not. Of all the people who'd greeted Speed upon his return, Delko had been the only one who had asked no questions. Calleigh had thrown his arms around her neck excitedly, after a few minutes of staring at him in shock. Alexx... Alexx had thought she'd seen a ghost.

Alexx hadn't been able to preform the autopsy upon Tim's body, although it had been a close call.

Speed had had to rush forward to catch her as her knees buckled. He had been her favorite, the member of the team that was practically her first born and when he had 'died' a part of her had too. She clutched him as he held her, murmuring "Timmy" over and over again until she managed to regain control of herself and started smacking the hell out of him.

"I think she's a ten on the Richter Scale." Speed informed the other man, frowning at the Crime Scene pictures as he set each one of them out.

"Does that mean the Kate Volcano has the potential to blow, or that you are still actually dead to her?" Eric asked with genuine interest.

"Her anger knows no bounds, I thought she was going to bury me alive next to the rose bushes when I picked up Daniel the other night. It was either that or run me down in the SUV, I got the sense she'd enjoy that more." Speed grumbled, organizing the evidence bags from the box beside him onto the table in neat piles.

"You know what they say about a woman scorned." Delko commented raising his eyebrows without looking up.

Speed paused, suddenly taking a second to register Eric's implication.

"I didn't cheat on her." Speed informed Eric, his head bowed as he read the labels on the brown bags.

Eric shrugged.

"Technically you were dead, so technically it wouldn't have been cheating." Delko pointed out, reminding Speed exactly of the kind of man he was.

Eric didn't judge, he hadn't when Speed had returned form the grave and he wouldn't now. He sighed, rubbing at tired eyes as he spoke.

"There was one person, there was one girl I screwed when I was away. I was lonely I missed Kate." Speed ran his hands through his hair remembering the solitude and he despair that had haunted him during those dark days.

Delko cleared his throat and looked away. Speed narrowed his eyes as guilt flashed across Delko's face before the other man could hide it. Speed felt the rage erupt through him as he stared at Delko, nostrils flaring, a growl beginning low in his throat.

"How long was I dead before you started screwing around with her?" Speed snarled, feeling his anger peak and his right fist clench.

The image of Kate and Delko came back to taunt him, his memory of the two of them years ago leaving to go to a club, Delko's hand on her back as he led her down he steps from the Crime Lab. Tim had watched them then, he knew there wasn't chance in hell he would watch Delko do that to him again.

Eric stared at him momentarily horrified at the idea.

"I wouldn't fuck my best friend's widow, you should know that!" Eric snapped.

Speed detected the hurt in his voice as the other man continued, his frustration mounting at the accusations.

"I was the one that stopped her from killing herself out on the beach, I was the one that kept her sober. I took Daniel to school when she was too depressed to get out of bed."

Delko was panting now, his hands pressed against the table, his jaw hurting from clenching it shut.

"I took on your responsibilities man. I was there." Delko finished quietly.

"I'm sorry man."

The words weren't easy for Tim, they never had been. He rarely admitted fault, but Delko's outburst had left him humbled. The younger man was right, Tim should have trusted him.

"I look after my friends." Eric snarked putting out his own evidence along side Speed's. "It's not my fault your brother couldn't keep his hand off her."

Speed's recoiled at the words, his mouth dropped open, his eyes instantly narrowed as his brain quickly processed the sentence. Delko bit his bottom lip, his eyes raised skyward as it dawned on him what he had said.

"They had some fucked up thing after your funeral..." Delko trailed off, reading the expression on Tim's face. "She ended it after he went back to Syracuse but he keeps popping back up here and well... he didn't do it while you were alive, if you know what I'm saying."

Delko was correct in that assumption. His brother had him had barely spoken before his 'death', like hi and his mother the two of them did simply not get on.

Speed was stunned.

How could Matt do that?

How could he fuck his dead brother's lover?

He was hit by a sudden rush of memories. Things that he had long forgotten or buried. Clues that he was only now piecing together , because now it made sense.

"It was the night of the funeral when it started." Speed recounted. "I remember I was leaving..."

He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, feeling sick.

"I went back for the ring, she didn't know I kept it. It was the only safe thing I could take. I was at the end of the street and I saw him. I saw him knocking on the door, with that bastard flag in his hands. I thought he was giving her the flag, I didn't think he was going there to fuck her." Speed uttered, his fingers knotted together as he dropped down onto a vacant stool.

"I'm going to kill him..." he said, turning his eyes to Delko, his body vibrating with fury. "I am going to god damn kill him."

"He's coming down this weekend." Delko informed him cautiously. "He's taking her out to some Italian place near the beach."

"How often does this happen?" Speed asked, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

"Whenever he has the time for her. Kate didn't date after you. She never put herself out there and she didn't want anything else because it broke her. This... for her this is just about working off frustration she could not otherwise lose." Delko tried to explain.

"It's a long way for a fuck." Speed commented dryly, his arms crossed over his chest as he sat upright on the stool.

Delko recognized this as his thinking pose. He pursed his lips together before bending over to peer at the pictures, so that he didn't have to see the wrought tension in Speed's muscled frame.

"It's not really about a fuck for him, he's pretty serious about her." Delko informed him, grabbing the magnifying glass to get a closer look at a smudge on the vic's back.

"How serious are we talking here? Like cuddling up in front of the fire serious or 'Hey, we're getting married' serious?" Speed asked, already dreading the answer.

Eric sighed, setting the magnifying glass down. There was no easy way to get out of this line of questioning and if he was honest he didn't want to. He was glad his friend was back. Speed was still able to make him laugh with that biting wit and cynicism. He knew his friend had given up a lot for the cause he believed in and it was only fair that Delko helped get his life back in order. Hell, even if it was just to see Kate smile the way she used to.

"I'm telling you this because I want Kate to be happy and I really don't think she'd going to be happy with your dickwad brother." Eric took a deep breath as Speed stayed silent, listening carefully. "He wants her to move in with him, he wants to take her and Daniel to Syracuse. Your parents think its an excellent idea because they want your grandson close."

"My parents also thought disowning me was good idea and then I went and died on them as my mother puts it. What does Kate think?" Speed asked frowning.

He wasn't sure that he really wanted to know the answer. The news of Kate and his brother made him sick to his stomach, hearing that she felt the same for Mathew would destroy him. He may as well have not come back.

"Kate..." Eric began before continuing thoughtfully. "Kate needs stability, she needs the companionship. It's hard raising a kid on your own. Your brother's offering her a way out and I think she'll take it. She can't do it by herself anymore."

"You think she loves him?" Speed asked troubled.

"I don't think it's relevant." Delko responded. "He was there, you weren't."

"So she's going for it, she's going to take my son and live with him in Syracuse like some big happy family?" Speed snapped, running his hands through his hair exasperated.

"That's what he wants them to be. I'm telling you man, it makes me sick watching him." Eric's eyes met Speed's and he could see the honesty there in the other man's mannerisms and expression.

"It's like she loses her personality when she's with him. Like she's not really there. There's no spark anymore in her. I'm telling you, you coming back...." Delko shook his head, a smirk spreading across his features at the thought of Kate's rant about Speed."This is the fiery Kate we used to hang out with. This is the tough, hot tempered cop we loved."

"All of this is about escape." Delko explained "Its about getting away from everything so she doesn't have to deal with it. Your brother is offering her a way out and she will take it."

There was silence between the two of them, Speed didn't move from his position on the stool as Delko busied himself with the evidence. Speed's eyebrows were furrowed, his features scrunched up in concentration as he surveyed the problem.

"What time does his flight get in?" Speed asked deliberately.

Delko puzzled over the information for a second, trying to recall a time that Kate had mentioned.

"At some point in the late after noon he's meeting Kate at eight." Delko said without thinking before quickly grasping the meaning behind Speed's tone.

"Why what are you planning to do?" Delko exclaimed, slightly alarmed.

"I think me and Matty need to have talk." Speed said flipping open his cell phone and dialing a familiar number. "Dad, it's Tim... Can you tell me which hotel Matt is staying at?"

"This is going to end badly." Eric warned Speed, already aware of the impact his statement would have on the other man.

Speed, clasped his cellphone to his chest, muffling the receiver as he stared Eric straight in the eyes..

"Only for Matt."


	3. Chapter 3: At War

Chapter Three

The hotel was a glamorous, upscale affair and Speedle could not help but resent his brother even more for being frivolous. Speed was currently residing at Horatio's place in his spare room, the only items to his name his Ducati and whatever Kate hadn't thrown out after the funeral. He had been a little too optimistic on his return.

His father had also provided Mathew's room number as well as the name of the hotel. His dad liked Kate and had decided it was up to the boys to fight their own battles just the way they had when they were kids.

Speedle rose his fist and banged on the door, he was half tempted to yell MDPD in order to scare the shit out of his younger brother. The door swung open.

Speed enjoyed the surprise that registered over his brothers features. They were both tall, although Mathew was more slender as opposed to Speed's toned frame. He had adopted their father's straight dark hair as opposed to Tim's unruly curls inherited from their mom. Mathew's eyes were a lighter shade of brown, his cheeks clean shaved. He was clad in an expensive Armani suit, it was in navy blue, the shirt underneath was crisp and white.

Mathew was an advertising executive, Speed was a cop, the two of them were world's apart. He wondered if that was part of the appeal for Kate.

"Come in." Mathew held open the door.

Speed took up the invitation taking in the plush settings of the room as he stepped inside. He was not liking the seductive four poster King size bed, decorated in cream linen. Nor the Fredrick's of Hollywood gift box resting in the center of the bed.

"Lingerie huh? You planning on getting lucky tonight?" Speed asked turning around to face his brother, hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.

"We'll see where the night takes us." Mathew responded, taking a step into the center of the room and removing the gift box from the bed. "It really is non of your business."

"You screwing around with my girlfriend makes it my business." Speed retorted.

"Ex..." Mathew corrected. "She thought you were dead remember?"

Mathew undid the ribbon on the top of the box, before setting it down on the night stand and removing the lid. Speed could see the crisp white paper folded across the top. He knew how they gift wrapped their items, he'd been there countless times before. His teeth were grinding together, his hands tightening into fists as Mathew smoothed away the wrapping and delicately used his fingers to pick up the lingerie by the straps.

It was a sheer, lilac, halter neck. baby doll. Something he knew would look fucking fantastic on Kate's body. Mathew reached into the box again and let a matching G string hang from his forefinger.

"Can you imagine what she'll look like wearing just this?" Mathew smirked.

Speed didn't even realize he'd reacted until he saw the explosion of red flash across his vision. His brother was on the floor clutching his nose, and cursing. Speed's right hand was aching, he tensed it, it hurt like a bitch, which means he'd put a hell of a lot of force behind that punch. Blood was seeping into the white carpet beneath them.

That's gonna be a hell of a cleaning billing, Speed thought, getting down on his knees along side Mathew. His strong hands grasped at the younger man's suit labels. His brother was staring at him with unadulterated hatred as Speed shook him like a rag doll.

"You took advantage of her, I saw you at the house the night of the funeral Matt. I know that you fucked her, and you've been fucking her ever since. Why did you have to pick Kate? Why my widow?" Speed bellowed, watching his brothers head snap back and forth.

"You know why." Mathew growled, his voice muffled.

Speed released him, letting Mathew's body hit the floor unexpectedly.

"It's not high school anymore Mathew, this is my life your fucking with." Speed said retreating back away from his brother.

Mathew drew himself into a sitting position against the wall besides the door. He used a silk hanky to stifle the bleeding from his nose.

"You know how long I've wanted a girl like Kate?" Mathew asked, his eyes on Speed as the older man looked down on him.

"She's beautiful, she's smart, she's tenacious. Girls I know back in New York aren't like that. They don't have the staying power. They don't have the strength that Kate does. Day in, day out, she looks after that kid of yours and I've never seen her fall part once. I need that. I need someone strong to stand beside me." Mathew informed him.

Speed shook his head, his eyes wide as frustration mounted inside him.

"Find someone else, not your 'supposedly dead' brother's grieving widow. Have some respect for me! Find someone else." Speed snarled.

"That's not gonna happen Tim" Mathew laughed through his bloody nose.

"Jesus how did you let her slip through your fingers? You didn't even get the guts up to propose to her and just think as of midnight tonight the two of us are going to be celebrating our own engagement in that bed over there." Mathew sneered.

Tim felt the red haze begin to ride up inside him, his muscles were already coiling ready to spring at the other man, ready to wrap his hands around his throat and choke him to death. Instead he felt his lips curl into a perverse smile as he took step towards his Mathew.

"Do you really think she'd going to say yes?" Tim growled. "Do you really think that someone so pathetic can give her the excitement she craves? She's frightened of being alone and when she realizes that I'm back and I'm here to stay she's going to kick your punk ass to the curb because trust me Matt, you just don't do it for her."

"Is that why she begs me for it?" Matt called out, his voice nasal as Speed stepped over the patch of blood, his hand coming to rest on the door handle. "Is that why she begs me to come back and fuck her?"

Speed paused sensing the desperation in his brother's voice, a cruel smile played along his features.

"I think it's the other way around Mathew, I really don't think she does." Speed said, closing the door softly behind him.

_**Thanks to everyone for the adds, but I'd really love some reviews so I can figure out what you guys think!**_


	4. Chapter 4: The Proposal

**AN: M warning for Smut, but with who?**

Chapter Four

The restaurant was dazzling. It was a beautiful Italian place on the beach. I had been led to a table on the veranda and told that the other half of my party had not arrived yet. That was fine, I was a few minutes early. The light was dim and romantic, there was a candle in the center and along with every single other table in the place. Cliché, I thought.

I was dressed to the nines in my best little, strapless, black dress. My hair was wavy and loose around my shoulders, with matching dangerous looking leather, spike heels.

My fingers rapped along the edge of the table, strumming out the sound of a song, a familiar one on the white cloth. There was a band playing in the background, jazz. Couples were out on the dance floor sharing tender moments.

I focused on a particular couple, a man with dark hair and a woman with honeysuckle blond. His lips were pressed against her forehead as he murmured something. I saw her smile before she looked up into his eyes. Their lips met briefly and in that one kiss I saw everything. The extent of their feelings for each other radiated across the room as they stayed in their own little world.

I used to be like that, I thought. We used to.

My thoughts drifted to Tim as they always seemed to these days. He was back in my life but not living it with me. I couldn't let him, he'd been my soul mate and he had betrayed me. I had thought he was safe but even I had known about his unpredictability. Mathew wasn't like that at all. He was dependable and caring. He always made the effort for me.

It was him after the funeral who had done all the chasing.

What happened the night of the funeral… It wasn't meant to happen at all. The day had been overwhelming and antagonizing, I'd drunk myself stupid at the wake because I didn't want to remember why I was there. I didn't want to remember the funeral, or the fact my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. Matt had introduced himself before the event, and it had been him that had volunteered to take me home.

There wasn't much of a resemblance between Matt and Tim at all. The sense of lose and the booze was what joined us. Matt's memories of his older brother had enchanted me, we shared the same sadness, the same broken heart and in the end that led to the same bed.

It had been over three years since that night, the guilt had crippled me. Fucking my dead lover's brother wasn't something I am proud of. Matt was the one who had formulated a relationship out of it, one that was on and off all the time. In my head there was nothing serious about it. Matt was part of a family I had never thought I'd be part of again. Tim's death had brought his family close to us, and once they knew about Daniel, it was hard to keep them away.

It was Matt's idea to move in that had changed things. One night in bed, after dinner the two of us were lying there on opposite sides, trying to catch our breath when he simply said "I want you to move in with me."

I hadn't had an answer to that. Miami was stifling me, Tim dogged my every step, or rather memories of him did. Everywhere I looked I expected to see him, and when I glanced back he was never there. In the end I didn't want to be haunted by that anymore, so despite what I had told Delko the answer was already yes.

We hadn't set a moving date yet, I also hadn't had the heart to bring it up with Daniel yet. I knew he'd tell Tim, and I couldn't face that right now.

In fact I couldn't face Tim, not now not ever.

I'd managed to stay out of his way outside of Daniel.

The chair in front of me was pulled out and Mathew dropped into it, I smiled raising my eyes to greet him. The smile faded off my face the instant I laid eyes on him.

" What the hell happened to you?" I exclaimed half raising to my feet.

Matt stuck a hand out gesturing for me to sit before tossing an order of champagne at the waiter. I descended back down into my seat. Mathew's nose was swollen like hell. It was already bruising as he took his seat in and cleared his throat.

" I walked into a door." he said ,taking his napkin and flicking it out.

I frowned, eyes still examining his nose.

" Really? How…"

Matt raised a hand to silence me.

" I don't wish to talk about it."

I pursed my lips together and looked down at the place setting on the table, fiddling with the silver cutlery.

"So…" he started.

" So did you open it, or walk into it?" I asked, picking up the menu and busying myself with it

"Huh?" Mathew responded.

" The door." I persisted.

Mathew sighed setting his menu down, a sign he was trying to be patient with me.

" Look it really doesn't matter." Mathew informed me, his hand reached out across the table and clasped mine. "What matters is that were both here now."

I drew my hand away and picked up the wine list.

" Uh huh."

" Kate… I have something I wanna ask you, something important..." Mathew said, and I found myself rolling my eyes.

Many of our conversations stared this way, and were usually to do with picking a moving date, and so far I was not relenting.

The sound of a chair scraping cut through the air, I lowered the drinks list in time to see Mathew on one knee beside my chair. My mouth hung open as I stared at the glittering ring he held in his hands. The diamond was huge, and to be honest I found the cut and the stone a little nauseating.

" Katie, will you do me the honour…"

"You may wanna hold onto that!" a familiar voice cut through the air, turning my blood cold.

Matt swore audibly. Something he rarely did.

" Tim." I exclaimed turning in my seat.

Jesus, he looked fantastic. His jeans hugged his lower body in just the right way. He was wearing motorcycle boots, which meant he was riding the Ducati. God. I missed taking early evening rides with him and watching the sunset fade. He had five o'clock shadow, making him look rugged and dangerous especially with the leather jacket that framed his biceps. I already knew under that clinging black t-shirt lay firm, hard muscles that I wanted to graze my finger tips over. His eyes were on me and only me.

I saw my life in those eyes or at least I had.

"Is that blood?" I exclaimed my gaze straying down to his knuckles.

" Kate don't do this." Tim implored.

" Don't you know when to stop? I'm trying to ask an important question here?" Matt snapped, diverting my attention onto him.

" Nana's ring how fucking original." Tim shot back.

" I don't see you down on one knee." Mathew snapped.

" That's because I never got the chance." Tim retorted.

" Oh you had a chance." I reminded him, gathering up my evening bag.

" Katie, will you marry me?" Mathew said, turning his attention back to me.

His eyes were wide as he stared up at me from beside the table. I was well aware we were the centre of attention. The air was stifling, I was beginning to sweat knowing that all these people were here, watching an waiting. What the hell had Mathew been thinking doing this in public?

I already knew the answer to that question and I resented it.

"She doesn't like being called Katie." Tim informed him, arms crossed over his large chest.

He clearly had been working out.

The waiter set the champagne down on the table. Tim glanced at me, an amused expression taking over hs handsome features, as he cocked his head to one side.

"You didn't tell him, you don't like champagne?"

I groaned inwardly, raising a hand to my head, feeling another tension head ache coming on.

" Kate?"Matt prompted, urging the ring towards me.

" Kate." Tim commanded.

I drew myself up onto my feet, my purse clasped in my hand as I completely lost my temper at the entire situation. I didn't want to be here in th first place and being stuck in the middle of both Speedles with an entire audience was wearing thin after a eight hour raising session.

" You…" I uttered jabbing my finger into Tim's chest. "Are a fucking asshole. I do not even want to know what the hell was going through your mind when you decided to come here."

Tim at least had the gall to look startled that I'd actually retaliated against him. I twisted my head towards Mathew, still on one knee smirking in his brother's direction. I seemed cruel and I despised people who were callous, at that moment it all clicked into place.

" No, just no…" The truth left my mouth before I could even think.

I was already leaving the restaurant and he mess that had been formulated around me. I was raging, I couldn't believe what the two of them ad just done to me. The sound of my high heels clacking on the tiles echoed through the foyer as I slammed through the doors and made my way through the parking lot. My hands were already in my purse hunting for the keys, the SUV in sight.

Tim was beside me, almost immediately, his strides long and powerful as he caught up, his hand enclosed on my arm. I yanked it away, turning to face him furious.

"You are fucking shameless, you know that?! How dare you muscle in on my date and embarrass me in front of all those people!" I yelled, hands on my hips, keys jangling from my fingers.

"I was going to embarrass you?" Tim said resting his hand on his chest over his heart. "Mathew already had that planned form the minute he called your cell."

"You are just ridiculous, you come back into my life thinking things will just be the same..."

"No I never said that, and if you actually spoke to me you would know exactly what I think." he snapped.

"Can you blame me or not wanting to talk to you after what you did to us? After what you did to me and your son?" I asked turning away and flicking the alarm off the SUV.

I felt his presence close behind me as he spoke.

"No I don't." he said softly.

"Well thanks for a wonderful evening, you can be sure your mom's gonna call and berate me and you with how we've destroyed her baby boy." I informed him in dull voice, realizing we were beside the SUV at the furthest end of the parking lot.

I turned to face Tim, leaning against the driver's side of the car as he shrugged, before folding his arms over his chest, his mouth setting in a grim line.

"He'll get over it." Tim didn't care either way.

"Will he get over the bloody nose too?" I questioned, starring down at the keys in my hand.

" He deserved it." Tim informed me. "You know I don't hit people unless they deserve it, it's over now."

I met his dark soulful eyes, before glancing back at the restaurant.

"To be honest it never really started. I was never going to marry Mathew." I told him. "So there was no need to butt in and cause an even bigger scene in there."

"Come on." Tim's hands came to rest on my shoulders, I shivered under the warmth and the memory of what those hands could do. " I know that secretly your impressed that I had the guts to actually do it."

"That's not the point." I retorted.

"The point is, I challenge you, you like that. You like the fact I took control." Tim informed me, his fingers trailed up and down my arms, sending tingles through my body.

"I would have liked it more if you hadn't died on me ." I retorted. "You could have told me, out of anyone I would have understood."

"Kate." the way he said my name made me take a step back.

I was pressed between him and the SUV, his still caressing me shoulders as the two of us stood inches apart.

"It had to look real." he muttered. "I've never seen you cry the way you did at my funeral. It broke my heart."

"It broke your heart?! What about me, what about my heart?! I have cried until I can't breath, I have looked after your son and I have wished every single day that it was someone else who 'died' in the jewellery store that day, and your telling me how…"

His lips were on mine, pressurised and demanding. His hand was on the back of my neck forcing me closer. His body pinned mine to the SUV. I tried to fight, I tried to push him away. Instead my palms smoothed over the firm muscles off his chest through his T-shirt.

My body was on fire, it was desperate for him. I'd never felt this with anybody but him. His hands were raking through my hair, his tongue probing my mouth as I ran my hands down the expanse of his shirt and then finally underneath.

His skin was hot to touch, my lips were eager and my body willing. I parted my legs, Tim thrust his hips between them jolting me against the metal of the SUV. I could feel his hardness through his jeans and it made me gasp into his mouth.

His hands were running down my body, his thumbs teased lightly over my nipples as he bit my bottom lip. I jerked, crying out as his hot hands smoothed over my figure an eventually down to my legs. He guided my left leg up and over his hip allowing him more access to my intimate areas.

My hand were already undoing his belt as his fingers moved between us, circling my clit lightly through my soaked panties. My hips bucked as as his teeth grazed my throat. I yanked his underwear down along with h is jeans. My hands cupped his bare ass, drawing him closer. His fingers were already pushing my panties aside. I was desperate for him, the urge was beyond primal. It was a deep emotional connection, he was here. He wasn't dead...

I couldn't wait any longer a neither could he. His erection was rubbing along my wetness, driving me wild, his hands were resting on my hips. He thrust into my wet core suddenly causing me to cry out. His mouth was on mine, he helped me to wrap my legs around his waist allowing him deeper access.

My face was buried in the hallow of his neck as we rocked together. Perspiration trickled down my body as the waves of pleasure hit me. Each one becoming more and more intense. We were moving faster now, I could hear his quickened breath as a whimper erupted from my mouth.

Tim mumbled my name into my hair, he was close, we both were. My lower body was tingling as the heat rushed through me. I bit down on his shirt, stifling the noise as the orgasm hit me. My body bucked and tightened , I could feel him come undone deep inside me.

The two of us were slick with sweat and panting. Tim's head was resting against my shoulder, I heard him laugh as I tilted my head against the SUV exhausted, my body was coming down from it's high.

"What?" I responded irritable, opening my eyes as he set me down and drew away.

The expression on his face caused the edges of my mouth to twitch.

"You, me, a parking lot." he stated, reminding me of some of the old times, long before I'd returned.

Tim pulled up his jeans and his underwear as I hastily rearranged my panties and dress.

My legs felt weak. I leaning against the SUV for support.

"Your going to have to drive. My legs..." I trailed off as Tim took the keys from my hand, knowingly.

"Home?" he questioned, holding open the passenger side door for me.

"My house." I corrected.

Tim didn't respond to that. Instead he walked around to his side of the car and climbed into the driving seat, and pulled the seatbelt across his body.

"This doesn't change anything." I informed him, turning my head away as he started the engine.

Tim said nothing.


	5. Chapter 5: Blue

Chapter Five

Blue.

The pregnancy test in my hand was a vivid shade of the colour. I bowed my head clasping the plastic stick between my hands as I sat upon the closed lid off the toilet in my private en suite.

Blue...

I was going to have a baby.

I was going to be a mom.

A million emotions rushed forward, suspending me in time. There was a calm deep inside me as I registered them. Shock, fear, elation, they all clumped together and hit me at the same moment. I set the test down on the side of the bath and put my head in my hands.

I'm going to be a mom.

It wasn't a question of what I was going to do. I already knew what I was going to do. The decision had already been made for me after the incident with Hagen. My womb had ruptured in the hospital after I had been attacked by that son of a bitch. The doctors had manage to stem the bleeding and stop me from haemorrhaging to death but they hadn't been able to save much of my fertility.

The doctor had said I'd only get pregnant if I was exceedingly lucky, or with a lot off help. In this case I was simply dumb.

Mathew and I always used condoms, he was obsessive about the risks of unprotected sex. So really there was no question about the identity of this baby's father.

No matter what happened I was having this baby.

The question was what to tell Tim.

There hadn't been a repeat of that night in the parking lot. Our relationship hadn't taken off like it does in stories or the movies. It was simply too raw, I was finding it hard to forgive him for leaving me.

The two of us were cordial, in front of Daniel and then at the lab but those were the only words uttered between us. Tim had regressed, becoming sullen and interior like he was when I first arrived here. I didn't know what was going on in his life and he never stuck his nose into mine.

Did I like it that way? I never let myself think about that.

For now it was best to keep it to myself, at least until the doctor confirmed and dated, and then the decision was up to me. I placed my hand on my stomach over the growing baby in my abdomen. I wondered who it would look like, would it have Tim's eyes and my hair? Would it look exactly like Daniel? Or something like me?

Right now I wanted to enjoy this moment, but there were things still weighing in my mind.

There was no doubt I still loved him. It was deep and unconditional, it had survived death and every night it ate me up inside knowing that he could be lying there next to me, his hands smoothing through my hair as he murmured to me underneath the sheets.

I knitted my fingers together, and pressed them to my forehead. I didn't understand why this was so hard. Tim had done a terrible thing, but I understood it, I had done it myself once upon a time. I should have seen the signs, yet I hadn't. That bothered me. Where I distanced myself Tim had become more affectionate. I had thought he was going to propose and instead he had 'died'.

He had manipulated me, and that was my problem. I hadn't seen it coming, which left me open to more.

I had realized that the moment I had seen him standing there on the beach, the trust wasn't simply fractured, it was shattered. How could you trust someone who could do what he had done?

I knew what it felt like to be in the other person's shoes, feeling your life had been snatched away and then thrust back upon you. I knew how he had felt when I had done my own disappearing act.

Forgiveness, I felt wasn't something I could give at this point.

I wondered what that meant for my new baby.

Picking up and moving wasn't an option, neither was an abortion, and no matter what happened in time Tim would learn of this child and he would want an active part in it's life. It wasn't fair to deny him that.

Yet he didn't have to have a part in my pregnancy.

* * *

It had been three months since the nights at the restaurant regarding him, Mathew and Kate. Not much had changed since then.

Kate's relationship with Mathew had disintegrated, his mother was no longer speaking to him although his father found the entire situation amusing. Tim had moved out of Horatio's spare room and into a place just like his old bungalow over looking the beach. It was somewhere between The Crime Lab and Kate's house. Not too close and not too far.

Kate and Tim's relationship had developed into little more than acquaintances. She was mad, he got that, but it didn't stop his heart from physically hurting every time she pulled away from even the lightest accidental touch.

He was scared she would never come around. He wondered if this was how she felt when she'd returned. He felt abstract and devoid. He wondered how much longer he could stand it. He wondered how she had managed to all those years ago. She persevered and eventually their relationship had developed again, maybe he should do the same. Hope was pretty much alluding him at the moment.

He watched her as she walked past, Horatio and her were in deep discussion. Their heads were bent together in conversation as they talked deeply. He thought he knew why, Daniel had mentioned this morning on the way to school that Kate had been ill the past few mornings. He had been worried, he wanted her to see a doctor.

Tim remembered using the bathroom the other night after dropping off Daniel. He remembered knocking something into the sink when he was washing his hands, it had been a brown medicine bottle. He'd picked it up and glanced at the label, registering the vitamins but not their purpose.

Right now they were running through his head, like the tiny footsteps he imaged running through Kate's house. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to know the truth, but there was never time. Daniel was always there and if not Daniel then work, or rather Kate's absence from work.

He tried to focus on the task at hand. They were still trying to identify the bank robbers from the incident this morning that Eric had been caught up in. DNA was running through the possibilities from the masks used to cover the perp's faces, while Ryan Wolfe played the video game trying to figure out the next level.

It seemed bizarre to him that crime had developed in such a fashion. A younger generation of criminals using the game as a template for how to live their lives.

Tim hadn't been sure what to make of Ryan Wolfe at first, their encounters were strained. He knew he made the younger man nervous and every time he tried to alleviate that, it seemed to get worse. He was no good at this mentoring thing, he couldn't put people at ease the way Eric did, or dazzle people with charm the way Calleigh always had. He was gruff and awkward, at least that's the way he felt. He had been more easy going when he was with Kate, more interactive and sociable.

Horatio detached from Kate, a smile on his face,. Kate looked worrisome, her arms wrapped around her abdomen. Protective, Tim thought.

Horatio was waving Kate off, leaving her alone in the corridor. The labs were quiet at this time of day. Tim found himself on his feet and slipping out of the door towards her. This was an opportunity he wasn't going to get again.

He ended up standing behind her, Kate turned to face him, her face etched in shock as she realized how close he was standing to her. It took him a moment to realize he was well within her personal space.

"Oh." she cried out in surprise, her hands resting on his chest to steady herself as she teetered suddenly.

Tim put his hands on her hips to brace her for a second. He found himself inches away from her face, their bodies almost touching as he looked down into her face, taking in her perfect feminine features. Kate took a step back, her arms wrapping around herself as she withdrew from his touch.

"I guess I'm a little unsteady on my feet," she said, forcing a smile before taking a step away fro him and down the corridor.

"Was that dizzy spell you had just then?" Tim asked, falling into step along side her.

He kept to her pace easily, even when he realized that she was trying to out walk him. He was making it awkward for her.

"I haven't eaten much today." Kate admitted contemplatively.

"Isn't that bad for the baby? You know lack of nutrients and shit." Tim withdrew his trump card and smacked it onto the metaphorical table.

Kate stopped in the corridor, they were standing in front of the evidence locker. Boa Vista was busy cataloguing evidence, her head bowed as she used a pen to write down each item. She wouldn't be bothering the two of them for at least a few minutes. Kate grimaced as she turned her head to meet his gaze. He saw the stubborn in the way she stuck out her jaw, a defensive action.

"You know." she stated, putting her hands on her hips and angling her body to face him.

Assertive, he thought as he looked down at her careful to keep his own facial expression blank.

"No, now I know," he corrected. "Before I simply suspected."

Kate looked down at her stomach, he found himself following her gaze and staring at slight indentation under her white blouse. His assumption that she'd gained a few pounds recently had been incorrect.

"So is it mine?" he questioned, pointing a finger towards the tiny bump underneath her clothes.

Kate drew in a deep breath, finally taking control of herself.

"It isn't your mistake, it was someone else's." she told him, looking away down the corridor distressed.

He felt something yank inside him, it stabbed savagely into his chest. He swallowed hard, but in the end all he could feel was injustice. She was being unfair and she was mistaking him for someone who was stupid.

"Mathew's?" he spat. "You fuck my brother and now your having his baby?"

"Since when was that any of your business?" Kate snapped, raising to her full height which was still several inches shorter than him.

"It became my business when you screwed me in the parking lot, I don't remember using a condom Kate." he reminded her, jabbing at her chest.

"You weren't the only one I screwed." she retorted.

He knew she was watching him closely, she was searching for weakness so she could push at it and make him go away. Tim held his ground and used the only weapon he could against her in this situation. Logic.

"Mathew's last visit before that night was six months ago. Now you don't look six months pregnant to me, you look about three." he informed her, tilting his head away from her as something caught his eye.

His brain registered what he was seeing in slow motion as Kate spoke. A gunman in a mask similar to the other, Boa Vista shaking and aghast at the gun pointed directly in her face. Horatio creeping behind, his mouth open shouting, his gun out.

"Oh fuck you, you know jack shit…" Kate spat.

The gun shot cut her off, Tim's hands were already on her shoulders throwing her to the ground as the automatic weapon erupted with the sound of gun fire. Glass exploded above him as he covered Kate's body with his. His hands pressed to his head keeping I down as the shards rained down on his body. The bullets patterned the wall right where they had been standing. He could hear Kate's laboured breathing beneath him and then nothing. His ears were ringing with the sudden noise from the gun fire.

"Kate…" Tim lifted his body off hers lightly as he spoke.

He knew he was heavy and his weight had pressed down on her suddenly overbearing. Kate didn't responded, her head was trusted to one side side. Her dark hair was splayed across the tiles, her eyes closed. There was blood on her pale cheek, he didn't know where it was coming from, something wet was sleeking across his brow. He realized he'd been cut by the glass.

"Kate." he said louder, staring down at her prone body underneath him.

He rose up onto his knees, his legs straddling her lower body as he studied her for blood and bullet wounds. Kate moaned, her head moving from side to side as her eyes fluttered open. She grimaced in pain, her hand going to the back of her head. There was a scuffle beyond them in the evidence locker. Horatio was standing over the body of the dead masked man, his gaze on Tim and Kate as Tim scrambled off her.

"Everyone ok?" he asked, his watery blue eyes showing concern as he analysed the two of them.

"No bullet holes." Tim confirmed, turning his attention back to Kate, who was still lying underneath him, taking stock of her injuries.

Tim's hands automatically went towards her head , smoothing the hair away from her face as their eyes met, he saw the panic in them and realized she was disorientated.

"Just lay still ok, you've banged your head." Tims soothed, his fingertips checking her scalp and feeling a goose egg on the back of her head.

"The baby?" Kate murmured, doing as she was told.

Tim's hand came to rest on her stomach gently. It was a motion he didn't realize he had made until he'd done it. It seemed second nature, almost natural.

"Do you have any cramps, or pain?" he asked her, not daring to glance between her legs for fear of what he may see.

"Only my head." she told him, swallowing hard.

There were tears in her eyes, she blinked them away, her own hands coming to rest on her stomach, feeling he knew for the baby.

"We need to get you checked out." Tim said, raising to his feet.

It was the only way to alleviate their worries. His heart was still racing in his chest, the adrenaline still cursing through his body. He shoved aside the argument they had been having because her need was his responsibility. She needed him to take care of things at the moment, to take care of her.

He bet over, taking her hands in his as she sat up, before pulling her as gently as he could to her feet,

"My doctor." she uttered slipping an embossed card out of her pocket.

Her hands were shaking. Tim enclosed her tiny hand his larger one and squeezed it reassuringly before withdrawing with the card.

"Trust me, it'll be ok." he tried to comfort her.

Kate's face was ashen, her hands cradled her stomach protectively as her eyes met his, wide and defenceless.

"I hope so."


	6. Chapter 6: Building Bridges

Chapter Six

The doctor's office was small but very clean, he had heard of Doctor Fulridge before. She had a great reputation for dealing with pregnant women and Tim was glad that Kate had at least done some research on the subject before shooting off to the nearest doctor in the first stages of panic.

Tim knew Kate had special needs, this pregnancy was going to be a rough one. Especially since it was going to be her first ad only child. She need a doctor who was calm and reassuring, who could deal with the franticness and the worry he knew would besiege her. Tim knew that Kate would make a great mom, it was whether Kate knew that that was the problem.

He was standing alongside side Kate at the current moment. She was resting on the examination table dressed in a blue paper gown that rustled as swung her legs lightly back and forth. The sound of crunching distracted him momentarily, he rose his eyebrows as Kate chewed the 'mommy to be' lollipop between her teeth.

The receptionist had handed her one in the waiting room. She had offered Tim one too but he had politely declined. That hadn't stopped Kate form discreetly pocketing his lollipop to save for later. and that was just one of the strange things he had experienced in the past twenty four hours.

Tim had to admit he did not like being trapped here in the doctors office, when the time came he would have to avert his gaze, and he wasn't entirely sure where. The baby posters on the wall and the charts about monitoring it's progression were freaking him out a little. Add to that the excessive college of baby pictures stuck to the wall, every single one of a different child it made him feel a little on edge. It all so rallied home the point. He was also pretty sure the babies were staring at him with their glistening beady eyes.

He felt his chest constricting a little as he thought about the baby tucked away in Kate's stomach. He was ninety percent sure that the baby was his. When he found out about Daniel he had kicked himself for being too drunk to use a condom, although he loved his son dearly. Four years later he still had not learned from that basic mistake.

At th time it hadn't even crossed mind, he'd been caught up in the desperation of claiming Kate as his own again. Tim sighed crossing his arms over his chest again at that thought. That plan had gone real well...

When it came to Kate he thought with the wrong head and here was the proof of that.

It was different when Daniel had walked into his life, he wasn't prepared but at the same time he was ready. Daniel had been four years old, he was passed the physical dependency stage. He could feed himself, go the bathroom, he had his own bed and books and toys.

But a baby...

Babies couldn't do anything for themselves, he remembered looking down at M.J when he was first born and watching as she child shook his tiny fists and wobbled from side to side. That was the only real movement he could make besides the ear piercing cry when he wanted something. Autumn always seemed to know what he wanted, Tim could never really figure out how...

They say when a baby is born so is a mother, but what about a Father? Tim thought.

The thought of having something so tiny and defenseless scared the hell out of him. Even his pet hamster Muggles from third grade had been pretty self sufficient. That was the only experience he could really link something that dependent to and it sucked. He couldn't believe he was comparing his baby to a hamster.

The doctor had entered the room somewhere between him pulling faces at the baby college and his revelations over the hamster and the baby. Doc Fulridge was a tall attractive woman, who wore scrubs with teddy bears on them. She was already pulling on a pair of latex gloves as she smiled cheerily at the two of them.

"So is this dad?" Doc asked, raising her eyes to Tim.

He felt like he was being observed and measured against her standard of partner for Kate. Maybe she could sense that he didn't have the first clue what to do with a baby, or maybe she was glad that Kate wasn't another single mom like most the woman in here seemed to be.

"Uh huh." Kate responded taking the lollipop stick out of her mouth and handing it to Tim before lying back on the examination table.

"It's nice to see a guy in here. I don't see that very often." Doc told him, placing Kate's feet in the stir ups.

Tim blanched realizing what he was about to be privy to. There was a slight sickness in the pit of his stomach and he felt the color drain from his face.

"I need to..." he trailed off knowing only that he needed to get the hell out of this room.

"You need some air, we'll be a little while. Why don't you go snag mom some more lollipops?" Doc offered warmly, indicating towards the door.

"I will do that." Tim said taking a deep breath to steady himself as he stepped towards the door.

One thought kept repeating in his head as he passed through it.

I'm going to be a father.

* * *

The sun was setting on the horizon as they strolled along the promenade. The two of them were walking slowly, basking in the cool breeze as they enjoyed the view. Kate's hand rested on her stomach, as they paced together, their bodies weren't touching but the two of them were close enough for their hands to accidentally brush each other.

The baby was safe, Doc had informed them that the heartbeat was strong and steady. Kate was openly relieved, he could tell. Her eyes twinkled as they walked and her skin seemed to glow. She was beautiful and carefree. She turned her head towards him, catching him staring at her. Tim glanced away pretending he was looking out to the waves crashing against the shore.

"I want this baby Kate." Tim said suddenly into the air, breaking the calm between them.

Kate bowed her head, her gaze straying to her stomach as she cradled it between her hands. It was hard to get used to that, hard not to do it himself although he wanted to so badly.

"Yea me too." she uttered, running her hand over the slight raise in her white top.

"This is it isn't it?" Tim questioned. "This is your only chance..."

Kate cut him off with am abrupt answer, she didn't want to talk about that time. Hagen was the reason she was lacking in the baby department.

"Yea."

Tim looked down at his hands, part of it he felt was his fault. He hadn't been able to give her what she wanted back then, what she needed. He had been frightened and life had gotten in the way. He had taken hr for granted, like hell he wished he hadn't.

"I guess I should be honored that it was me and not Mathew that knocked you up." Tim said, the muscles in his face tightening at the thought.

"You always wanted to have the family, the white picket fence, the kids and the husband. I never gave you that." Tim explained gruffly, trying to hide his regret.

"Well you could have." Kate chimed in, pausing for a second, her hand resting on the back of a wooden bench.

"You getting tired?" Tim asked, taking hold of her arm gently and guiding her to sit on the bench instead.

"Yea I am a little." she admitted as the two of them sat beside each other over looking the sea.

Tim's arm came to rest on the back of the bench, he wasn't touching her but she could feel the heat from his skin, and she found that comforting. She resisted the urge to lean into him, that would change things and she wasn't ready for that. She was still so painfully angry at him. Some days it burned inside her so brightly she thought she was going to bitch slap him. Other it simply just hurt.

The two of them sat in silence, Tim enjoyed the companionship. There was a closeness between them, like a secret shared. In reality this was a secret. This was their secret.

"I didn't do this on purpose." Kate said into the air, looking down at the baby nestled in her stomach. "Before you left and we were trying..."

"I know." he said, removing his arm from the back of the bench and running his hands through his unruly black hair.

"Is that why you left, is that part of it?" she said quietly.

Tim's gaze flitted towards her, her head was bowed down as she toyed with the silver bracelet on her wrist. He realized it was the bracelet he had given her a lifetime ago. The one in the midnight blue Tiffany box, with the anchor charm. Faith Hope and Charity. It had meant something to them once upon a time, and now she was still wearing it.

Tim averted his gaze back to the sea, rubbing the palms of his hands against each other frowning.

"No it didn't have anything to do with that." Tim told her, staring at his hands. "It was hard, not being able to give you the baby we wanted, I thought... I felt I was inadequate...."

"Now you just have super sperm." Kate pointed out humorously slumping back against the bench. "So why did you leave? We've had threats before, we will probably have them again."

"They were threatening you and Daniel. I couldn't force you to do Witness Protection, it wouldn't have been fair after everything you've been through. I couldn't face the idea that they were going to hurt you. After Hagen and Jessica..." he hesitated, swallowing hard. "I couldn't stand seeing that happen gain. I couldn't put you at risk."

They were silent again. It stretched between them filling the gap.

"Do you still believe in fate?" Kate asked, without looking at him.

"Yea...." he admitted. "I still do."

He already knew what the next question was, or at least he thought he did but Kate was always uprisings him.

"I do too." she said instead, looking out to sea.

That was an answer in its own. One he chose not to interpret.

"I want to be involved with this baby Kate." Tim reiterated. " I want to be involved the way I couldn't be with Daniel."

"I would never deny you that." Kate told him, placing her hands on her lap.

"You've already denied me three, maybe four months of the pregnancy." he pointed out.

"It's my pregnancy." she reminded him, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head.

"It's our baby, development starts in the womb." Tim paused, driving his point home. "When I say I want to be involved I mean all the way, until this baby outgrows us."

She could hear the honesty ring true in this words. She knew that Tim Speedle never did things by half and that he would be there every step of the way if thats what this baby needed.

"So what do you propose we do?" Kate said placing the responsibility in his capable hands.

If she was honest, she was exhausted. She was tired of making the hard decisions, trying to make the right choices, she wanted to share that responsibility, to take the burden off her shoulders and simply go along for the ride.

Tim clasped his hands together before tipping his head towards her, meeting her gaze. Her bright sapphire eyes met his dark chocolate, his fingers walked across her lap before he reached out and clasped her hand. His fingers were reassuring and gentle against her skin, a his thumb smoothed over her knuckles as he spoke.

"I guess that all depends on you."


	7. Chapter 7: Patience

Chapter Seven

It was moving day. Kate wasn't sure how she felt about that, but one of the emotions she had managed to pin down was sheer and utter relief. Her hand patted her stomach absentmindedly as she watched the two men outside through the window. Bernstein was opening the boot of Kate's SUV, and stacking boxes on the sidewalk as Tim reviewed the situation with calculation.

Tim didn't have many belongings, a few forensic journals, clothes and books. He hadn't been back long enough to acquire enough items to make a home. She wondered if it was because he had been waiting on her to finally relent on the issue of having him move back in.

The baby was silent inside her, something that worried Kate, she was used to the constant wriggling movement that besieged her at random moments. To have the baby immobile inside her was scary. The ultrasound had showed them that the baby was in fact alive and developing, at that moment Kate had finally been able to breathe. They hadn't been able to tell the sex yet, which created debates about the color of the nursery.

Kate's home office had becomes Tim's bedroom, she had no need for the office anymore and the desk and other items had been removed to make room for a modest set of wardrobes, an oak chest of drawers and a double bed. Kate had also provided some book shelves for Tim. She wasn't going to be using the office anytime soon anyway.

Arrangements had been made between the two of them, there were a set of unspoken rules to abide by. She doubted very much Tim would be bringing lady friends around especially with his eight year old son sleeping in the next room, and a baby in the other.

Daniel seemed confused but pleased with the way things had changed. On one hand he was glad to have his father living back in the house with them, but on the other he didn't understand why Daddy now had his own room. Tim had sat him down and given him a reasonable explanation, mommies and daddies needed their own space sometimes. Daniel seemed to accept that. Kate knew he was simply glad to have both of them in the same house.

Their relationship was still on hold, there had been no hand holding, kisses or hugs. Tim felt obligated to ask if he could reach out and touch her belly. He was painfully aware that despite it was his baby, it was also Kate's body. She liked that awareness, it was thoughtful and conscientious.

They were both aware that their relationship was a small part in much bigger things. What mattered more importantly was the baby. That was their primary focus. The baby and Daniel.

Still Kate couldn't deny her urges. Her hormones were running wild and her temperament, she admitted, was not at its best. She'd tore the head off of Delko the other day for interrupting her during an experiment she was conducting. Tim was a calming influence, every time she became erratic, stepping in or soothing her with a light touch on her back.

She hated to admit that she needed him, that she craved his hands all over her body and mouth in places best left unmentioned. The doctor had warned her about this phrase as had Autumn. Kate felt hey had not given the hot, wild urges enough credit. Just seeing Tim lift one of the boxes from the back of the SUV, his muscles straining under his tight navy blue teeshirt was enough to send her running for a cold shower.

And in the end that's what she did.

* * *

It was late at night, or rather early in the morning. Tim was lying in bed, his forearm resting over his eyes as the glare form the alarm clock taunted him. He had become a light sleeper in the three years he had been away. Paranoid and uneasy. He closed his eyes against the light, his ears pricking up at the sound of the door to his room opening.

He frowned, withdrawing his arm away from his handsome features to see a familiar figure tip toeing through the dark towards the bed.

"Kate." he whispered, on the edge of the bed, his hand resting gently on her back as she sat down on the edge.

"I had a nightmare, move." she demanded.

Tim didn't question her, he knew better than to argue when she was like this. He complied willingly, pulling the quilt with him allowing her to slip inside the bed. He tucked it around her body as she climbed inside. She didn't resist.

Her shoulders quivered. Something was wrong, he could sense it.

"Kate?" he questioned, his hand enclosing on her shoulder as he angled his body towards her.

He gently rolled her onto her back, his fingertips smoothing across her feminine features, gliding across the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey now, what's going on?" Tim asked quietly.

"It was just a dream." Kate uttered, her eyes clenched shut, her hands rubbing over her face. "Just a bad, bad dream."

"About the baby?" he questioned, his hands softly taking hers and drawing them away from her face.

"The baby was in the nursery, I knew he needed to be fed. I had the bottle in my hand and I was walking towards the crib. Something was wrong. I could sense it, the baby wasn't making any noise."

Tim felt his hear thud harder as she spoke, there was something clawing in his chest, a sense of dread.

"He was just lying there, it wasn't moving, it wasn't crying. He's lips were blue. I was shaking him and he just wouldn't breath." she was wheezing now, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. "He just wouldn't breathe."

Tim leaned in close, his lips next to her ear, she was beginning to hyperventilate. He could hear her gasps in the darkness.

"Breathe deeply, exhale through your mouth." he advised, his hand rubbing her stomach soothingly.

Tim didn't feel as calm as he sounded. He remembered Bernstein telling him once about Autumn jerking awake drenched in sweat positive she was in the throes of a miscarriage after such a dream. Bernstein had been beside himself, it had been a struggle to calm her down and convince her everything was alright, he had been frightened about the stress she was putting on the baby.

Just like Tim was now.

His hand tickled along what he imagined to be his child's head as he pressed a kiss to Kate's forehead, before resting his own against it.

"Your ok, everything is ok." he reassured her, his lips brushing her closed eyelids.

He could taste the salt on the apples of her cheeks as he kissed those too, feeling her body begin to relax against him. Something nudged his hand through the silky fabric of Kate's night dress.

"What the..." he trailed off, recoiling slightly and staring down at her stomach with suspicion.

Kate let out a sigh of relief, both hands clasping her stomach, following the movements.

"That's your baby awake and kicking." Kate tilted her head to face him as he shuffled onto his side, his hand coming to rest on her stomach again as his eyes met hers.

"Doesn't that feel weird?" he asked her, the palm of his hand flat on her belly.

Kate smiled.

"It's like having something from Roswell living inside you." she informed him.

"I think it can hear you." Tim stated with a grin as the baby impacted with his hand.

"This is the first time it's started kicking." she told him triumphantly.

Tim shuffled further down the bed, his head came to rest on Kate's stomach. His ear pressed against the baby bulge, he heard the rustle of fabric as his hand shifted, following the movement of his child.

"Do you think it knows I'm listening?" he asked her, still rubbing and caressing the fabric.

"Why don't you talk to it and see?" she offered.

Tim rolled onto his stomach instead pressing his mouth to the baby bump. He began to talk, in deep husky tones. She remembered other times his voice was like that. Early in the morning after the initial moment of wakening, she loved it when he spoke into her ear murmuring dirty thoughts or declarations of love. More than that she remembered his arousal, the way his tone dropped and became even more masculine as she drove him closer and closer to the edge until there was little more he could do but gasp.

Kate held in a moan at the warmth of his hand through the silky night dress. It felt good across her skin. The nightdress crept up her thighs from his movement as his fingers strayed across her abdomen. Her skin was flushing with heat, for some reason she couldn't bring herself to move. There was something so tender about the fact he was whispering to their baby. Her fingers ran through his unruly curls, her hips arched a little, her body betraying her thoughts.

Tim's fingers circled patterns on her inner thigh, Kate bit her lip as red hot waves shot up her body, leaving her tingling and wanting. She wanted to tell him to go higher, not to stop. Her grip tightened in his hair guiding his head lower. His teeth grazed her panties, his calloused hands smoothing up her legs, and then back down again. The gesture was seductive and maddening, her hips bucked in a frenzy. Tim pressed his tongue against her through the panties. She could feel his breath through the material. The heat pressing against her bundle of nerves as she cried out, his tongue licking right up her.

And then he stopped.

Kate groaned in frustration as withdrew from her aching body and moved into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

"I can't do this." he told her hoarsely, his voice twinged with emotion.

Kate flopped back onto the bed staring at the ceiling.

"It's the hormones." she uttered, screwing up her eyes and rubbing them with her hands.

"So this was just going to be a fuck for you?" Tim stated matter of factly, his hands running through his hair.

Kate pursed her lips together before shaking her head, her hands resting on her stomach. The two of them were so close yet the distance that divided them seemed to stretch for miles.

"I need to take a cold shower." he said raising to his feet.

He was lumbering and heavy, his shoulders were deep set and his head bowed. Tim paused as he made it to the door, his hand resting on the frame. Kate watched his back, shoulders slumped with weariness.

"You know, I thought it was different this time." Tim shook his head. "This baby... I thought it would make things different."

Kate wasn't sure what to say to that. Her feelings were complicated at best. She wanted him more than ever. She wanted to depend on him, she wanted to put all that trust and faith back into him but there was always something stopping her, some part of her that drew away and sealed itself off from him.

Would she ever feel whole? The emptiness twisted inside her. She'd been alone for so long, Mathew hadn't been able to pull the chords that vibrated through her heart and in the end she knew that was why she'd picked him. He'd been incapable of hurting her. Tim however,sometimes it felt like she was drowning, the wave of emotions he made her feel. It was like falling in love all over again.

"Tim." she breathed.

He turned his head so she could see his profile, the fine sculptured features and chiseled jaw. He was looking down, his ears intent and listening.

"Please." she whispered. "Please come back to bed."

"So I end up fucking you again?" he snorted.

"I want to feel close to you again. I want to feel like it did before..." she trailed off, wrapping the quilt around her and laying on her side.

"That's up to you." he told her evenly. "I'm trying but your not letting me in."

"I don't know how." she murmured, burrowing into the confines of the quilt feeling cold inside. "I don't know what to do anymore."

She felt his weight on the opposite side of the bed, his hands were pressed together between his knees, a sign he was trying to be patient.

"You need to let it go." he sighed, shifting to lay beside her.

"How did you do it?" she questioned quietly, burrowing her face into the pillow. "How do you let go of all of that?"

Tim rolled onto his side, his eyes trailing over her small huddled form. He exhaled deeply before wrapping an arm around her wist gently and pulling her against him.

"I knew I'd rather have you there with me than anywhere else in the world." Tim said, propping his head up on his hand.

His free hand traced lines up and down Kate's bare arm as he spoke.

"In the end what you did didn't matter, it was the fact you were back that made the difference." he told her. "You could have gone anywhere else in the world but you came back here, to me."

"You came back to me." she whispered, her cheek pressed against the pillow.

"Your the only place that feels like home to me." he said quietly, his fingers toying with her loose hair.

"It was like that when I was away." she told him."Thinking about you always kept me grounded, there was always something to come back to, something to focus on."

"Yea." he confirmed, resting his cheek on her hair. "That's what it feels like."

Kate angled her body so she was flat on her back, her eyes meeting his. Sapphires on chocolate, something happened she wasn't sure what but suddenly all her walls had evaporated an there was nothing but him, filling her head, filling her heart and then her soul.

"Jesus Tim, I missed you." she whispered into the dark.

Their faces were inches apart, their bodies molded together, the perfect fit. Her slender frame and the baby bump pressed against him, as he lowered his mouth to hers, his lips brushing her own.

"I missed you too Kate." he murmured before sealing the deal with a kiss.


	8. Chapter 8: Rampage

Chapter Eight

It was morning and Tim, usually didn't mind mornings. He just didn't like this morning, or at least he knew that he wouldn't like this morning. His stomach was churning, there were butterflies biting and snapping at his insides. Today was frightening, this was a routine they had been through a million times before. Court was nothing to them.

His stomach twisted again. He remembered the last testimony that had frightened him this way. The one he had to do before he went away. The one that had almost cost him life, his family, his heart.

Tim stared at himself in the full length mirror. The suit was one of his best, he needed this suit because it made him feel confident and formidable, it was important that he feel like that today.

The pinstripe suited his dark handsome features, it was tailored giving his muscular frame a leaner fit. The shirt underneath was charcoal grey, the colour that suited his mood. He held out his tie in front of him as he tried to thread it. His hands fumbled for a second and he found himself starring back at his mirror image. He looked the same as he had a moment before, his expression was still grim.

"You need a little help with that?" Kate asked as she stepped outside of the en-suite bathroom.

The dress she was wearing was knee length and hugged her bulging pregnant figure. The sleeves were capped revealing her athletic arms. The dress was light grey and a dull cream pattern woven into the fabric. She was wearing low black pumps, that empathised her shapely legs. Her hair was a shade or two lighter from hanging out in the garden with Daniel over the past few months.

"It's the tie." Tim said, throwing his hands up away from his throat.

A small smile caused Kate's lips to twitch as she took a step towards him, her delicate hands capturing his tie lightly in her hands. Tim's fingers spread across her stomach, lingering over their baby as he caressed it through the dress. Kate was almost at full term now, their baby was moving around regularly, all of the time it seemed.

"How are you today?" he asked quietly, tilting his head up so Kate could fix his tie.

"Fine. You know, just waiting for the baby to make it's move. I've had enough of waiting already." Kate told him, swirling it around and curling it into a knot.

Kate took a second and pushed the tie up to his throat lightly before moving the tie lightly to secure it in place.

"Your impatient." he murmured.

"I want to meet the baby all ready." she told him, putting her hand on her lower back and straightening herself.

"Yea me too, and Daniel, he'd jumping up and down for joy." Tim said, his lips lingering close to hers.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly, rubbing her hands over her stomach.

"This trial, it's like a circle." Tim uttered, taking her hands in his.

"Your thinking we could have been trying him for my murder." she whispered, entwining her fingers in his over the smooth skin of the baby bump.

Tim pressed his forehead lightly against hers.

"If you had gone to Brazil... I remember that girl that washed up, I remember thinking that she was you." Tim said quietly, his hand cupping her cheek, his fingertips playing over the outline of her mouth. "They threatened your life, when you were with the maid that they... the maid they attacked. You saved her and killed one of them at the hospital."

"I knew what was involved, we all knew the risks." Kate reminded him, straightening his shirt collar. "It was him, me or Celia Gonzalaz. He'd already done enough to her."

"That was before the baby." he murmured.

"I gotta finish what was started. We can't let them get away with this." Kate said quietly.

"I know, we're not going to let them." Tim uttered, his lips brushed hers lightly.

"It''ll be fine." Kate promised as they broke apart.

"Taking down the Mala Noche..." Tim shook his head. "Most cop's dream about this."

"Now we're the ones living it. So be brave, put your chin up and breath deep." Kate advised.

"I'm more scared of letting the bastards walk." Tim informed her, opening the bedroom door as Kate grabbed her purse from the bed.

"Won't happen." Kate assured him as the two of them walked down the stairs.

"Confidence is good." Tim stated.

"In this case." Kate told him as they reached the front door. "Confidence is everything."

* * *

The courtroom was hot, or at the very least that's what it felt like to Kate as she sweltered in the room. Tim had come and gone an hour ago, as soon as his testimony was over, he had been called to another case.

So she had been left here with Ryan, his arms were crossed over his chest as he watched the proceedings. The two of them lent back in their chairs watching as Riaz took the stand.

"Something seems off about him, something weird since the arrest." Ryan said under his breath.

"Weird?" Kate questioned. "What kind of weird? Like voodoo weird?"

Ryan frowned before twisting his head towards Kate.

"Voodoo... What?" he whispered, his expression one of severe confusion.

"Ignore me I'm just pissed because it's hot in here and the baby is not being kind to me at this moment in time." Kate said quietly, shifting a little uncomfortably.

"Having a baby in the summer wasn't in your master plan?" Ryan asked, his attention turning back to the stand.

"Having a baby wasn't my plan at all. It just happened." Kate reminded him.

"It happened for a reason." Ryan said gently.

"Do really believe that?" Kate asked under her breathe as they watched Riaz fumble his words at the stand.

Ryan glanced at her, wearing a grin that said everything.

"Yea," he told her. "Yes I do."

Then there was chaos, shouting, screaming, people raising to their feet sudden. Kate didn't know what was happening but suddenly Ryan's hand was on her arm, yanking her to her feet. His gun was out and in his right hand. A gun shot echoed through the room and then another. They erupted in her ears like explosions.

Ryan was hurling her to the door, screaming at her to move, to get out of here, but her legs weren't responding. She was thrust into a crowd of people, pushing, shoving and pulsating around here. An elbow lurched into her, followed by a full body slam as someone barged through. Kate cupped her hands to her stomach, and then suddenly there was pain.

It was red hot and angry, it seized all the muscles in her abdomen, cramping her stomach and bringing her down to her knees. Something was wrong, something worse then everything that was going on around her. She clutched her stomach, struggling to breath as the pain rocked her again, stealing the air from her lungs with it's ferociousness. There was pressure between her legs, it built and built until she was crippled, and then suddenly there was release.

It was hot and sticky, she felt it trickling down her thighs as she let out a cry of agony. A hand slipped into hers, she squeezed it gratefully as Ryan's face appeared in her line of vision.

"It's ok." he told her gently. "The gun men are gone and EMT's are on there way."

Kate swallowed back fear and bile as it clawed at her throat, her face was contorted as spasms caused her body to jerk.

"Something's wrong." she moaned, clutching her stomach with her hands. "Something's wrong with the baby."

Ryan pursed his lips together, his face taunt as he glanced down at the blood that was seeping from between Kate's thighs. He didn't know what to do, he wasn't sure whether to stifle it or let it flow. Kate's face was ashen now, her complexion pale and her eyes dull as her body writhed in pain.

From what he could see she hadn't been hit, the gun fire hadn't touched her and for that he was grateful.

"It's ok, the baby just wants to come out." Ryan tried to calm her, his hand smoothed the lank hair off of her forehead.

"I'm scared." she sobbed. "It's hurts so damn much."

It was her fear that put things in perspective. It made Ryan's emotions lock down and suddenly he was faced with a clarity that he found reassuring. It gave him control, and he was suddenly aware that he could not afford the luxury of panic, not in a situation like this.

"You just need to breathe." Ryan told her firmly. "Squeeze my hand tightly and breathe."

Kate inhaled deeply through her mouth. There were sirens in the background, they were getting closer, louder, and then they stopped.

EMT's swooped in like guardian angels, they swarmed around Kate as Ryan stepped back. They were talking, acting, doing things that Ryan didn't not understand. He trailed after them as they got her onto a stretcher and took her directly to the ambulance. Eventually after some deliberation he climbed inside the ambulance and held Kate's hand as she cried and called out for the father of her child.

At that moment Ryan started to pray.


End file.
